I had been going through the most recently, things that left me feeling lost, confused, hurt and worst of all like there must be something i did that made God feel so far away or like he is not there at all.
It was hard to pray, well i had no words just tears. Nothing made sense, I knew the verses in the bible that spoke of what to do during the storms, what God says, but believing it was soo hard. I just honestly felt like God let’s talk about this, what is it that i need to repent about, what still binds me, please tell me because i need to be released from it, i am sorry. This had to be the explanation of the things that you have allowed to happen at this point.
Then i thought of Job, that dude in the bible whose whole life came crumbling down and he stood in faith through it all. Yes, my problems were not nearly half of his measuring on the barometer of problems, but there were still my storms and i still found it hard to pray, still felt broken, still felt alone. What’s a girl to do??
I took a step back and looked at my life and i think, well, I KNOW God showed me all the situations he has gotten me out of, mountains he helped me move, bigger storms he sheltered me from and how, even at my most ratchet and worst of days he continued to be there for me when i didnt deserve it. I felt in my spirit, Samantha, what is it that is too hard for me your Lord? Who is it that can leave your life that will leave you feeling alone when i am here? What problem in all my wisdom and majesty is too complex for me to fix? How broken is your heart that the blood of Jesus cannot flow through, fix and make whole again? Do you not perceive me as your Father? Will your father withhold anything good from his daughter that he loves? Do you not see that I have better in store for you? Be still,be still….
I was in awe, but you would not believe the next thing that came out of my mouth. I said to God, okay cool, so like can you please hand me this plan you have for my life so that I see where we are and what’s next, so that i get excited again and stop hurting and we can move on from this…yes? no? okay,lol. I am sure he loled too with the angels and all…
What I took out of this was:
God is the only consistent One in our lives, like a river that never runs dry, His love is never ending. There’s NOTHING that you can possibly do to stop Him from loving you or giving you ALL that he promised.
Times will get tough, people will hurt you deeply, mess you up, attempt to break you, there will be obstacles to your progress and you may hurt people too and mess up. There will be times when you’re so shaken to your core that your faith will be weak, there will be times when you don’t believe that His promises will come true in your life, it’s okay, life happens BUT you ALWAYS need to remember that God is consistent, “For I am the Lord, I change not..” Mal 3:6.
May i be satisfied with God completely even if all else fails. May His love heal and minister to me in my deep hurting places. May His presence in my life give me boldness and confidence i need in order to live redeemed, healed and free.
i am still taking each day as it comes, trusting that God has got me. I started meditating on these verses:
“Why my soul are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me?Put your hope in God, for i will yet praise him, my Savior and my God” Psam 43:5
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will sour on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” Isaiah 40:31
“He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'” 2 Corinthians 12:9